Interview with Mona Illerbrun - Berkana.ca - Partner up for horse and rider

Interview with Mona Illerbrun - Berkana.ca - Partner up.
Oh boy!
I recently had a message from Mona as she wanted to share something profound that happened to her just over a week ago (prior to this podcast)
Mona is a very enlightened lady and is well aware of her own inner guidance but this took her (and her horse) to a whole new level and although may be a little hard for some people to get their head around, it's a very good and important example, of how changing an automatic behaviour of what we would normally do, can change the outcome in so many ways.

This was a deep, heartfelt and at times funny conversation with Mona.

So sit back, relax and I hope you enjoy this episode, just as much as I did being part of this conversation.

Mona Illerbrun.
Mona Illerbrun is the owner and facilitator of Partner Up.
She lives off grid in the remote picturesque Blackwater Valley 65 km west of Quesnel, BC, with access to
several heritage trail networks from her doorstep. (AMT, COTT, Canyon Trail,
LHTAKO Trail, Musquash Trail).

Mona’s 60+ year connection and love affair with horses began at birth. She found
herself always striving to make it better for the horse and this path lead her to the realisation that she, as the human, was the key.

At a very young age she was honing her skills energetically and using energy to communicate with horses while at the same time utilising her curiosity, visual acuity and awareness to decipher what the horse was saying.
This led to fluency in horse and her dedication to do “with” her horse instead of “to”.

Mona spends her time during the summer riding in the rugged outdoors and
sharing her passion for trail protection/clearing riding. Over the winter months
she uses teaching as a voice for the horse through the delivery of her 35 + hour
Partner Up Online Workshop.

Partner Up focuses on building a connected partnership with your horse by increasing your awareness of your horse and what they need from you to become trusting, confident and willing partners and by empowering you to strive to be the best you can be so you are able to be what your horse needs in every moment. Discover your honesty, authenticity and acceptance, gain confidence, kick “foe” fear to the curb, and harness your power
using energy.

https://berkanafarm.ca
https://www.facebook.com/PartnerUpPG
 

Video version (alongside applicable podcasts) can be viewed on facebook and YouTube.
https://www.facebook.com/equinevoices.co.uk
https://www.youtube.com/@equinevoicesuk
https://www.instagram.com/equinevoices.uk

Contact Ronnie.
mailto:equinevoicesronnie@gmail.com

Transcript

Ronnie: 0:13

Hello and welcome to Equine Voices. My name is Ronnie, and I'm your host for today's interview. I'm really, really pleased and excited to be having a return guest, Mona Iib from from Canada. The reason that we are doing this interview today, she was gonna come on again anyway and chat about her an experience regarding her accident. And I discovered about this after our last interview. We chatted for about an hour, and some of the things that she came out with was so intuitive and amazing that I thought we must share that. However, we had a discussion a few days ago regarding something else that happened, hence, this is why we're doing the interview a little bit earlier than I'd planned originally. It was something that happened between Mona and a Horse Gemini and it's quite, it's quite profound and I wanted her to share this experience because of what it meant for both of them. So, without a further ado, I shall bring Mona in and she can explain who she is for those of you that don't know and just a little bit about her background. And then we're gonna go straight in to what happened. Hi, Mona.

Mona: 1:29

Hi Ronnie. Thank you so much for having me. I look forward to another magical hour with you or so.

Ronnie: 1:37

You're very, very welcome. So, would you explain who you are, first of all, and then we'll go into the episode that happened

Mona: 1:45

Sure I have spent pretty much my entire life, so 64 years with horses and they have been a major part of my life. And throughout that whole journey, the connection started because of my awareness of energy and how I interact with energy. And so I've always kind of had really amazing relationships with my animals and my horses and then, you know, life happens, all sorts of things happen. And the blocks that were put in front of me for me to climb over gave me insight that I would normally never have gotten. And that's put me in a position where now I. So much that I wanna share because in essence what I'm doing now is I'm helping horse lovers discover their personal magic and increasing their awareness of energy so that they can enjoy time with their horses free of fear and bad behavior, and ultimately end up with that connected, willing partnership that's just so magical and I do that through my partner up workshop that I offer online. And yeah, so in essence, that's kind of in a nutshell what I do. And I'm looking forward to sharing my experience that I just recently had because I've had a lot of experiences in my life, but this was pretty profound.

Ronnie: 3:14

Thank you, Mona, for anybody that would like more information regarding Mona and her work I'll leave a link for her website and you you can research what it is she actually does with you and your horses. Or you can also go to the previous interview that's on Facebook or YouTube. But today we're gonna have an interesting conversation about more than one situation that happened regarding her intuition and how listen to that big time really made a huge difference. So, Mona, in your words, would you like to explain to everybody what happened just over a week ago?

Mona: 3:48

Sure. I'm gonna start off by saying I'm no stranger to energy and I use energy a lot and I have had quite a few well, I don't know interactions is not quite the right word, but experiences with energy that have left me very well aware of how powerful the universe is and what is capable of delivering but what happened like a little over a week ago was pretty surreal. And so I'm just gonna start off by going into that, that episode. So because energy is a really important part of my life, I try really hard to never really exist in my head, but to exist fully in my body. And that means time doesn't have limits. In, in energy, our heads have time limits. And so whenever I'm going to do anything with my horses, there's no clock involved and so when I go to feed my horses, I have no other agenda other than the time to be with my horses and doing what I'm doing with my horses. And so a week ago it was no different than any other night I went out and, and I have three horses and so Gem and I was laying down and I called and he got up that, that he only walked like three feet and laid back down. And so I called again and he got back up and walked maybe four feet this time and laid back down and so my head briefly surfaced there, cuz I recognized what was going on. But the feeling and the connection energetically between my body and all three horses was extremely powerful. And so I just stayed there in that energetic, connected place. And I called him again and he got up and this time he walked maybe about five feet before he laid down. So then I went and got the halter and I'm on my way out there. But in order to get where he is, it's about a 20 minute walk through the deep snow. So it's not easy and I'm not hurrying I am filled with this profound sense of peace and and while I'm walking, I'm totally connected and I'm observing, and I'm watching. And Gemini laid down again, and this time Twister, who is the subordinate horse in our herd, went over and started rearing like he was gonna stomp on Gemini. Now, had I been in my head, that would've made me angry and I'd have wanted to try to protect Gemini and all sorts of things would've went on, but I wasn't, I was hooked securely in my body and, and so whatever Twister kept doing, forced Gemini to get back up, and then when Gemini would get up, twister would run around to his left side and start button with his head on the left flank and a couple of times he got his head down low enough and lifted hard enough and I could hear the sound and it lift Gemini's ass right up off the ground. And Gemini's a really big tank. Like he's really big horse and so by the time I eventually got there, I knew without a shadow of a doubt where the problem was because everybody was, Showing me and as I got up close enough to Gemini, he did his knicker. Gem and I, we communicate very well. And he's got several knickers. And, and this Nicker said, and I'm so glad you're here. You're gonna fix this, right? And I look, looked at it and I go, well, I wanna try. But man that's a pretty tall order. And so I put the halter on him and we started walking back towards the, the barn. And so we're going along and I'm aware of everything. I'm aware of the wind and the trees. I'm aware of the crunch or the snow. I'm aware of the heartbeat of every horse. I am aware of everything but yet it's so peaceful, so very peaceful. And I get maybe about halfway there and he stops and has a little poop. And my head got in the game just a little bit right there and was going like, pH this is a good thing. But I immediately went back down into my body and my body said, no, this is not a good thing, this is not over and I got to the barn and I asked for some sort of guidance or some sort of something, and I gave the other horses their food and he didn't want any of his food so then I thought, well, okay, well I'm just gonna keep walking you cause that's what I'm being told so I took him out, walking up and down the road is way easier in walking through the snow. So that's what I was doing. And, and he pretty much had his head dragging in the snow and didn't wanna be walking, but Gemmini and I would do anything for me and so he's trying to do what he can for me. And after we walked for a little bit I don't know, but something made me lift his lips and look at his gums and they were snow white. And I haven't seen his gums that white, except for the time when he severed his medial digital artery and bled out for three and a half hours and so then it popped back into my head a little bit, well, maybe it's not colic maybe something else. Maybe he's internally bleeding and then I immediately went back down into my body. And from that place in my body, it was like, what's going to be is meant to be? And my power lies within being a part of this connection and not undoing the connection and coming at it from a head perspective. So we walked for more and then all of a sudden I didn't feel like walking him anymore. And I thought, well that's kind of funny cuz nothing's happened. I listened and I put him back in the barn. And now in the barn he can go wherever he wants cuz my horses are never confined anywhere. And I put him in there and, and you know, in your head kind of tries to get in the game so I had a little bit of trouble there because it was saying things, but I went back to the connection and I thought, well, you know, maybe this is it, maybe this is the end. But I was being told to leave and I'm like, well this is pretty weird. And, and so I looked at Gemini and I said, You realize if you die in here, I'll never be able to get you out. I'll have to chainsaw you up and pull you out bit by bit. I don't wanna do that. So if you're gonna die, don't die in here. Go walk out there and feel. And he looked at me and I knew he knew exactly what I said, like there was no doubt in my mind. And he pretty much said like, go. So I went and I went to the house and I started making supper and now this is where it gets strange again because if I'd have been in my head, I'd have been worried sick, and I would've been in a panic and heaven only noticed what other emotions would've been going through my body. and, you know, none of those would've created the energy that was necessary for healing or helping Gemini. But while I was cooking supper, I was calm, full of peace. I ate my supper. I didn't rush. I finished up a few little things and then it, he told me it was time to go back outside. So I, I got my stuff on and I went back out there and he'd moved to another area in the barn. And it had like a great big poop. And and I, I got close enough to him. He turned and he looked at me and he said, I am so glad you didn't get your shit in a knot and I was kind of taken back because I always tell him that, you know, when he's having a moment when we're riding or something, and he's high self-preservation has him almost where he can't manage himself. I always say to him, come on Jim, don't get your shit in a knot. We can get through this. And so it was really odd to hear him use my words back at me and we just stood there and we had quiet time and then all of a sudden he said, I'm going for a drink. And he left and he went for a drink. And then he come back and He said, don't worry. And then he galloped all the way around all of the fields, way over into the farfield where the hay and stuff is spread out and I thought, okay, but nowhere in me did I feel like this was over. Nowhere in me did I feel like this was the end or the connection or anything it was very, very profound and on a very, very deep level. So I went back in the house and then did more stuff. And then before bedtime I got dressed and went back out and put in probably 30 minutes to get out there this time cause it's dark and I don't use the flashlight cuz I don't like to affect their, their vision and I kind of like the piece of darkness as well. And so I'm, I eventually get out there to where he is. And the piece that was residing in my body from the start still was there, but I knew we weren't out of the woods yet but he told me to go back and go to sleep. And so I am back home and got into bed and I didn't wake up till seven o'clock the next morning and I mean, I usually have to get up every half hour to go pee. And I had a really deep sleep. And so when I woke up I was a little confused because I was still enveloped in that peaceful, connected feeling like I wasn't alone by any stretch of the imagination and I was trying to figure out how I could have slept so solidly all night long and, well, of course I still have no answers, but you know, sometimes when you're a human you wanna figure out all this stuff out, so then I, I went back outside and he come up by the barn and I knew then that we were gonna be okay and he still wasn't fully right. But I had a definite knowing and anyhow, I spent some more time out there and, and did all of his favorite things for him and all of that and then I come back into the house, when I went back out at supper time everything was right and it was like whatever that energetic form that enveloped all of us and held us all together was dissipating and leaving us and the whole experience was so beautiful and so peaceful if Gem and I had a died, I would've laid down right beside him, and I would've been there through the whole, whole thing. And it would not have been traumatic like it would've been if I would've been in my head instead of in this energetic cocoon. Like, I don't really have word. And, and our English language certainly doesn't have many words for feelings, but yeah and so when the whole thing is over and start to think about it. When he severed his artery and I was trying to save his life, I certainly wasn't calm and my energy certainly was not anything that was beneficial to him. because I was in my head and I was in a panic state and then I was thinking, having had this other experience, what that had to offer him, because the peacefulness is healing and me not getting in my head and not disrupting that balance is probably why he said I'm so glad you didn't get your shit and a not, and yeah, you know, I don't even have words really, it's just like, wow I don't know, there you go ronnie

Ronnie: 19:31

Obviously that's the second time I've heard that story and the first time you told me that there was such a strong sense behind that and emotions and sometimes when you relay something that happened to you back it doesn't always have that feel, but that happened to you and you experienced that and Gemini and I know what you said it was funny when he said get your shit together because it was the peace and the calmness that helped him. Because if you'd have been in your head, which most of us are, if something like that happens, you know, especially guys like you that live out in the middle of nowhere, it's not like in the UK you can get a vet and maybe within half an hour they'll be there. You can be in the middle of nowhere and cannot get any help. So you've gotta deal with that and you stay connected. So you listened and you received the information that was best for both of you and especially Gemini. And as you said, you didn't know the outcome. You can't prepare for this cuz it's not something you prepare for and then know that you're gonna be okay when it happens. But this showed you how connected at that moment you were. And even when your mind started to seat back in and the old little chatter came in, you was able to stay focused on that energy center, which meant you could listen to Gemini and do things that aren't normal textbook things you know, your mind would want you to do, other things that you think you should be doing and actually you've guided to do this because this was best. And it's that, that's the profound, but it's something that we all possess and this is why we have these conversations because the more we understand what's right for us and sometimes go in against the grain of what other people think we should be doing, the more we know and trust that is about trusting it, the better it is for all concerned. And also if Gemini had have passed over Yes and we had this conversation, you would miss him and you would mourn him and you'd be really upset, but at that moment you would just lie with him and you would stayed with him. But how beautiful is it to be able to do that for another soul that you don't add to the trauma of them going? Because that's a big thing. Yes. If we can aid, whether it's human or animal, if we can give peace in mind and a relaxed moment to stay or to go, how beautiful is that? How beautiful.

Mona: 22:24

Absolutely. Absolutely. And, and after having that, Experience. It made me realize that when a human or an animal dies and you're not in that connected state, then it's happening to two separate bodies and two separate bodies are reacting different ways. But in that connected state, we were going through everything together and yeah, and parts of that reminded me you know, when I died, like parts of that were similar and it was like I said to you before if we could somehow really be able to be conscious of that, and really connect how much less trauma a death would cause and so yes, you would still miss, but it wouldn't be the same trauma and trauma affects our bodies and has long lasting effects. And so this would mean that wouldn't be there. And so, yeah, that's pretty amazing.

Ronnie: 23:55

It is and I'm very honored that you wanted to share that and come in, share that with people and I hope they feel the depth of that. It is hard sometimes to relay it. But I hope they feel the depth of that because it's really important. And as you said, the trauma is for two individuals and each one carries out differently and he did survive. But if you had reacted in the way that you initially thought you was going to do or the normal way, who knows how that would affect him down the line. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Now what we're gonna do is backtrack a little bit, so I don't want people to think this is all doom and gloom cuz it's not, because actually, there's funny parts in this, even though it's really serious uh, I mean, Mona had me in Stitch when she was explaining what happened to her. So Mona had A severe accident which affected her brain and she had to retrain herself to speak, to do everything, which again, this is in the first video that we did together, the first interview. So if you want to know more about that you can watch that one. But Monica's gonna talk about what happened prior to then that actually saved her life and again it's quite profound, but it's something that using her intuition, which we all have, this is why I'm pushing this, that saved her life and made a difference so, do you wanna go back.

Mona: 25:23

Sure, sure so back then I was I my teaching degree, I was also going to university and I was an entrepreneur and I, I held contracts all over the place. So I was really, really, really busy. And every second of every single day was accounted for yeah. And so I get up and I'm g supposed to be Headington Nanaimo. Cause at that time I was living on the island and, and my truck won't start. Well, there's nothing wrong with my truck and I know that, so I'm being told to lift my headrest, so I lift the headrest up a little bit and it still won't start. So I lift the headrest a little bit more and it still won't start. And then in sheer frustration, I just pull the headrest up as far as it'll go, and then my truck starts. I have no idea why it was doing that, but nonetheless, anyhow I, I wanna back up I've never had anything bad happen to me when I've been in a, in a poor frame of mind. Everything that has happened to me that has been huge learning hurdles has happened to me when I have been feeling like I'm on top of the world and so this accident really was no different. I was just coming back from the university. I had just scored a couple more contracts and Yeah. Things are just hunky Dorian come around the corners and eventually two lanes goes down into one and there's these two great big five ton freight trucks in front of me. So I pass'em while I can and I have to go probably about 120 kilometers an hour to get by'em. Well, I just get by them and a little bit of a sharp turn and just on the other side of that sharp turn, all the traffic is stopped. Well, I have no idea why it's all stopped, but nonetheless it is. And so I know right away that the trucks are gonna hit me because I know the trouble I'm having getting stopped and the car in front of me at that time was a pacer and I could see the two kids in the back through the back window. So I knew for well if I hit the back of that car, those kids are done. So I steered towards the ditch and I kept my, my brakes on until the first truck hit me so that when I released my brakes, that would drag it along with me in towards the ditch so that I could not do any damage to the car in front of me and you know, those kids got saved, so that was really good. But what happened then was the truck behind that truck hit that truck, and then the truck that's right at the back, well after it hit the first truck and rammed it into me again, it went out in the front and so then it killed people in oncoming traffic and the second impact that I had, my brain said to me, this isn't funny and then I don't really have very much memories for a little bit and then I got out of my, my truck and everybody kept telling me, you should get back in your truck. So I must have looked pretty bad. I don't know. But all I know is when I went to try to get outta my truck, I didn't have any shoes or socks on. They were gone. I don't know where they were at went and then I had six sheets of three quarter inch plywood in the back of my truck and a toolbox on top of that, probably four or 500 pounds. Well, the toolbox went straight in the air and turned totally around opposite and landed back down in the back of my truck and I remember looking at this and I remember looking at the softball size dent that was out in the box of my truck, and I remember trying to figure out like what it is, all of this and all of that plywood had kind of peaked up and it hadn't totally sheared, but it was broken you know, my truck was broken, the frame was broken, my truck in two spots and so anyhow, had I not had my headrest as high as it was, the impact would've made my head go out my back window and then when it would've came up, I would've been decapitated and so being told about my headrest was pretty important. And then I learned afterwards that that softball size dent was from my shoulder that pushed out through the cab all the way to the box yeah and so to get back to, somehow now I'm back in my truck and I'm cold and I want to get warm and then it feels like it's raining because my face is all wet and so I'll explain it as I go on because you know the ambulance guys, that friends of mine told me lots of stuff after. But anyhow, so nonetheless, so then I'm going where it's warmer and every time I'm walking and it's getting warmer, I'm feeling lighter and lighter. It is like all of the baggage and trauma and garbage that you pack around was just being lifted and washed away, and, and that was such a, a beautiful kind of feeling. And so anyhow, eventually I reached a place where I was really happy to be there because I was starting to see my friends and I was so happy to see them and you know, we're hugging and we're talking and we're catching up and then you know I met my other friend, Al and, and he and I were really, really, really close and in fact, I was opening his Christmas present to me when he was killed in an accident. And so we have had a really strong connection. And so I finally met him and, and then it was like, I thought, hold it just a minute. And I thought that, but I guess I sat both up right on the stretcher and I yelled at the ambulance, guys, hold it right here. I'm not ready to go there yet and scared the living pants right out of them. But I realized, After I got to him, like, he's dead. Anyhow, kind of funny how all of that stuff happens and then we get to the hospital and the doctor really doesn't give a rat's ass about me and then the guys are saying like, no wait man, she should be sitting in here, you didn't see what we seen and blah, blah, blah, blah. But anyhow, my next recollection and I have is a cop standing the end of my bed saying to me, you gotta get your truck moved. And I remember thinking, oh, how am I supposed to do that and then I have no memory. So even to this day, I don't know really what happened to my truck. I, I, I know that my friends at the body shop came and got the truck. I know that they told me, I know that they fixed the truck because I c BBC told them they had to fix it. And, and he, he told me, Mona, I don't ever want you driving this truck cause it's not safe and I'm sorry, but I need the work. And so I can't not do what I am being told here from the insurance company. And so I don't know where the truck is today. All I know is I never drove it. I don't, like, I don't have any of those memories and it doesn't really matter. Yeah. And so the next day when I'm looking in a mirror, I kind of don't know who the hell I am because my eyes are blue. Blue eyes was, I was pour green eyes and I'm figure who is she? I don't know how many places I went and said, how come my eyes are blue? And they just basically said, well, you've always had blue eyes. Yesterday they were green and of course then they'd all tell me it was an impossibility. While I, I really don't give a rats arse that's all I know is I do have pictures that can prove Definitely I had green hazel eyes and now they're blue yeah and then, you know, the journey off from there is a whole nother story, trying to learn who I was, cuz I was totally different, I didn't know me. Created huge amounts of problems because people would ask me a question and I'd go, well, am I supposed to answer it for this person or for the old person? And they'd look at you like you're s. Three sheets to the wind. But I couldn't answer the question for this person cause I didn't know her but I could answer it for the old person. But all those years in my recovery, when I kept making choices and decisions based on what I knew from the old person, but I didn't know the new person were all wrong for the new person you know and, and I'm laughing about it because you have to see the humor I mean, it would be like a sitcom and yeah so in a nutshell, that was kind of that journey. And then I eventually got to know this person and then I said goodbye to the old person and that took a long time, took a long time for me to say goodbye to her cause I really liked her and I finally come to a place where I thought, oh, this one was pretty cool so, you know, it was kind of a good trade off. And then I had another brain injury, another accident. I was like, holy, holy. I was so mad, mad, rage doesn't even fit what I felt. Oh, like, holy and then I discovered hyperbaric oxygen therapy. And you know, that totally changed my life. Gave me huge quality of life has been part and parcel of why I am able to do what I'm able to do now. But it wasn't without its dark side either because suddenly I got huge bits of the old person back. parts I'd said goodbye to and so I had to welcome those back and in some ways I was glad to see'em cause it was like an old friend, but it opened up another whole dilemma cuz once again, now I don't know who I am because everything's changing again. Just those things alone have been quite a journey and a lot of learning and it's really given me a lot of empathy you know, I was born with this desire because stuff was so shitty in my life that I was gonna make sure no one ever had to go through what I went through. So now I really get to see it from a different light and yeah it really helps me do what I, I I do. And, and my intuitive side helps too because if I need to, I can walk around inside their brain and know where they're stuck and know what I need to say and that's not necessarily me. It's kind of the universe using me as a little vessel, and I'm just happy to oblige.

Ronnie: 37:35

Wow, Mona I mean, I've heard that story, but it's still yeah, you're an amazing lady and very humble as well. You know that's a hell of a lot to go through in, in a lifetime, a hell of a lot. But you was always intuitive, as you said you was always in tune with yourself and that saved your life. Mm-hmm. the bit you missed out what you. On our after top was when you sat up on the stretcher and the paramedics went Holy shit which is pronounced you dead The fact that you been into the emergency department and they let you go so soon is because they thought you was okay. Yeah. But actually thanks to the paramedics that checked on you.

Mona: 38:17

Paramedics were amazing and you know, they're the only reason I'm alive today because when I went back to my place in Lake Couch and where I was living, I lived by myself so you're taking somebody, just had what was labeled later as a moderate traumatic brain injury, left sitting alone in her own house to her own devices and thinking that she's going to survive and so I'll tell you a couple of little stories that are kind of, I would s you know, I pretty much had a couple of years where I couldn't walk or talk and by what I mean from that is my walking was not very good and my talking was almost non-existent because human beings are extremely impatient. And so if you asked me how are you, I would be busy trying to make that reply. And I, I wanna point out that even at my worst, I had no idea how delayed I was. I thought I was responding in a timely manner, but I had no idea and then you don't answer it instantaneously and then they say, well, like, what have you been doing? And so that's like asking me a whole new question. And so now I'm trying to get rid of the old question and now I'm trying to focus on the new question and so it's not that I couldn't talk, it's that whole time I wasn't fast enough to really be able to have a communication. So if you asked me something simple like, how are you? And just kept your mouth shut for 20 minutes, I would answer. But try to find a human being that has that kind of patience, well, that's pretty slim to none. And through the whole thing, I don't think your brain allows you to know how screwed up you are. I think it only allows you to see what you're capable of dealing with at that moment in, in time, I think. But, but how I managed to survive, I counted for them because I'd be out walking and I'm sure they cruise the street hundreds of times just to see and they'd stop and they'd go, moon, what are you doing? And they'd wait. And pretty soon I'd go, oh, no and they'd be pulling me in the ambulance. I'd have blood everywhere because I'd be falling down. I'd have blisters, there'd bust open bleeding. I would not even have a clue. I could have been walking with a shot of glass through my foot and I would not have known. So they were constantly patching me back up. They were constantly making sure I was eating. And then my best friend that I've had my entire life she would come quite regularly and same thing, trying to make sure that things were okay. And I mean, probably wasn't very easy for her because you know, in many ways I couldn't see how screwed up I was. I clearly had a little bit inkling, but not as bad as it really was right in the very beginning, that's for sure. And yeah there's so many things I did you know, and I look back and you can just see the humor movement. One of them was with my friend Wally, and and Wally had a brain injury too and we met at a brain injury support group and we became best friends. And putting two brain injured people together, probably not a really good thing. Well when I could finally learn how to ride my bike again, we used to go on these bike rides and we're paddling away and, and I guess there's two stories here I have to tell. So we're paddling away and, and we think, man, we're physically fit. Oh, we're so cool. Like, look at us. Whoa. Yeah and then Wally gets a girlfriend and he says to me one day, well, she wants to come, but she's never ridden a bike and he says to me, let's take it easier on her okay, let's just kind of like take a real easy street and I go, oh yeah, okay, Wally. We all meet up and there's me and Wally, we're gonna take it easy on her, she hasn't ridden her bike in a long time. And, and we get started out and it's not long and she's going down the hill and her feet are off the pedals and she's going wee, and, and there's me and Wally and we're like trying to panel and trying to keep up with her and we're looking at each other and, and, and pretty soon we burst out laughing because we have to admit like, we're just sunk, like talk about kicking the face, we thought we were so good cops and to make matters worse, his girlfriend was a little bit overweight and everything else So we were just kinda looking and So our ego took a shit kicking that day, like really big time. And so then we're going on another bike ride another day, just me and him. So we get going and I say, oh, let's go all the way to Scott Falls. We can do that and we do and then we turn around and come back with the winds blowing really hard towards us. So Wally says, well, it's to hard t peddle on let's just keep going the other way. I go, okay Wally and away we pedaled and every time we went to turn around, the wind was still and it was too hard. Well, we ended up at the ocean. Well, now we have to go back in the wind and I'm like looking at Wally and I'm going, but Wally, now look how far we have to come to go back. Wally this is not a good idea. And we get him halfway home and he's like, Mo can't peddle any more and I'm but Wally, I'm not walking. You know, more of our little escapade but that is the life is simplicity, right? Like the wind's too hard. So let's just keep going the other way. Well, it's alright to end on road Yeah along the way, there was all sorts of experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything. You know, I, I mean, I'm sure a lot of people thought that I was pretty crazy and but whatever. Nonetheless, they've all made me who I am today and that's pretty a okay

Ronnie: 44:53

I love listening to your story you've got such a way with words and I'm not going on about it because you know it is part of what happened to you, but because of what happened to you, it's even more extraordinary. How you articulate in how you get across to people. I remember you saying that your horses, so we're going back to when you've got a busy head that your horses guided you quite a lot because they said we can't deal with that, especially after the accident. I think you mentioned this before, that they wanted you to sort your head out because it was too much, don't come near them. Yes, yes. And I'm saying that because that's what all horses experience from us and it's different degrees. I, I know, but it's still, it's still there and you can't pretend if you are having a bad day you know, it's not like you go to see your horses and you leave it at the door. It's there with you but if you are aware of it, you can have an influence on how much of that you can quiet it down a little bit cuz it's like sparks basically. But that's something that your life experiences, the things that have happened to you have taught you big time, which is what you bring into your work and why you can explain it to people.

Mona: 46:08

Yes, yes there's two that just come to my mind right away. After the first accident, the horse that I had then was lady and lady and I of course had a really tight connection. And whenever I would try to ride after I had the first brain injury, my balance was so bad because, you know, it takes me 20 minutes to respond to something so my body loses balance by the time it recognizes its lost balance and then tries to correct it. You can pretty much imagine it's like sliding onto the ground this way, getting back on and sliding onto the ground this way and so Lady used to, I'd get up there and I'd start to slide off and she'd twist her head and grab my pant leg and pull me back down and her head would just be going from side to side because that's all she was doing was keeping me on and by the time I reached the end of the driveway, which was maybe a hundred yards long, I was ringing wet with sweat. Like that was so hard. And lady said to me one day, she says I'll make you a deal you stay on the ground and we'll stay friends so I kind of thought, well, that was kind of cruel but nonetheless I listened to what she had to say and then, and then Gemini came into my life and when Gem and I was given to me, he was two years old and he had just been gelded and so I thought, okay, he'll just be a yard ornament because you know, if I can't make it on lady, like two year old, like, give a, give you a headache shake and anyhow he came in the spring and then that fall lady and Mikey both were put down and so then there was just Gemini there. Somewhere a year or so I didn't feel right letting him be a yard ornament because he was so beautiful and everything. So then I, I thought, well, I better try to do something with him but Gemini was the first horse that I've ever had that I did not have a connection with, and he didn't want a connection. He was really aloof. I had to work really, really, really hard for a connection and at the time, I didn't have the capabilities to understand it all. You know, I do now, but at, at the time I didn't. So at the time, He, he was really mean to me, like really mean to me, like pushed me in the ground, any bit of weakness that he saw in me, he just exploited it and took shared advantage and I have never ever had that experience ever in my life. I'm not saying I've had all perfect horses, but I am saying we came to a place of a two-way street philosophy very quickly and had respect, and we realized each of us was stronger with the other and then we spent all of our time being the best we could be for each other. Well, it wasn't like that with Gemini and he didn't have any confidence. But he is really big, so he used his size as a bully mechanism to hide his self-preservation issues and stuff. And I was sitting up because every time there a disconnect in my brain because I had to try to change gears, he, he recognized instantly, yeah, there's a disconnect, I can toss her in a dirt and you know that really fulfilled his bully status and made him feel safer in many avenues but same time, after having had connections and not having it with him, it was empty. So all I know is that after having what I've had, having empty wasn't acceptable. So that meant I had to come to a whole lot more learning about myself and how the brain injury impacted things. And yeah, so in many avenues he's responsible for a lot of my recovery cuz he forced me to have to look and I mean really look at all the bits and pieces of me and figure out maybe how I could put'em all back together in a certain array, where I didn't have the periods of time where there would be a disconnect. Yeah and then of course I'm just slowly fully to get in handle on that. And then I have the second accident and I have P T S D, well my God, so P T S D and Gemini, who's got high self-preservation issues. I step out the house door, even though I think I'm camouflaging it and while he's gone to the far end of the pasture, he doesn't want anything to do with me and then when I get the lead rope on him, he's charging at me striking, trying to kick me, doing all sorts of shit because he's scared enough in his skin. He doesn't need all of his scared energy hanging out in his Cabo either. So he is like, get the hell outta here, lady. And then I had to figure out how to deal with PTs d and I had to figure out how to get rid of it and of course, that was quite the journey in it's self because everywhere you go they tell you, oh no, this is just your life from here on in and I'm like thinking, well, my life's done, man. I want this in my life, so I better figure out how I can get rid of it. So then that started a whole other learning curve all about the physiology and the body and trauma and, and learning all of that and, and then learning how to disconnect the body from the, the brain and, and yeah, it's just been on ongoing and so it's all this wealth of knowledge that I've accrued because I wanted to do the best I could for my horse that now I'm sharing with everybody out and yeah so he was the driving force because, Lady would've passed and I wouldn't have had another horse that would've been, but he came and so again, I guess that was the universe saying, Hey, you better start pulling up your bootstraps cuz we got plans for you.

Ronnie: 52:59

Oh God, Mona you're a treasure, a real treasure to listen to. So after this latest experience that you you and Gemini shared together, what has that taught you, what has that brought forward? I know you mentioned something to me the day, but what has that highlighted.

Mona: 53:20

What it highlighted, and it came to me in a different kind of form, but what it highlighted is when I was explaining this to somebody, they immediately went to a place of, well, you don't care very much about your horse because that's not the proper way that you look after a horse that has colic, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and then I shouldn't own a horse and I shouldn't all of these things and I can understand why somebody would say that. Cause I did have a few moments through that whole thing where I was in my brain and it's not how my brain would've handled it. But now, after having the experience, I'm well aware by staying out of my head and providing the energy that was congruent to the setting in which I was in, was an extremely powerful healing modality. Now, had I been in my head, I would've been so upset. I would've been so worried about my loss. I would've been so freaked out about trying to make sure he lived. I would not have had any energy to add that would've been healing to that episode. In fact, I would've been asking his body that was already stressed to try to manage all my crap, and I'm sure that's what he meant by, I'm glad you didn't get your shit in a knot and so, Yeah I'm well aware how it could look on the outside but that brings me back to and I think I told you about this, about when he severed his artery and I was not calm because the, the blood is spraying everywhere up over the roof and I can't get the tourniquet to work and I, I can't get the bleeding stopped. And I'm trying to stand him in deep snow, but it's moving around. And so I'm screaming at him just to stand still because and then we don't have a phone, so the nearest phone's a kilometer down the road where I gotta go to the neighbors and I don't have a vehicle, so I'm trying to get the quad to go and go through the deep snow and anyhow, the stress was just beyond imagining. Then I get there and the SAT phone's not working because it only works in the satellites align and so now I gotta sit and wait for that to come on, and, and so then I start calling the vets only to find that no vets gonna come out they don't wanna drive the length of time to come out here. I don't have a trailer I mean, by the time I got ahold of a neighbor and he agreed to come and get my, my horse and I come back and I got Gemini and then I get to the vets and we got, and backtrack a little bit, the neighbor that came and got me, him and I and a bunch of other people were in the big accident the day before where I got my second brain injury so both of us are functioning half masked, trying to deal with all of this and. We get him there and the vet can't get the tourniquet to work either. And anyhow, so she pretty much had to wait till he bled out so she could stitch it off and I've never seen so much blood my entire life and I had no idea that a horse could bleed out at that rate for three and a half hours and still be alive and neither did she really and then on the way home I'm having this huge, big discussion out loud and he's ha getting to sit there and listen to it because the vet told me all these things to do and none of the things that I was told to do would align with me. And I was having a really hard time because I've been many things in my life, but the one thing I've never given up is my integrity and my authenticity. And I, I was really struggling because what I was being asked to do wasn't me, wasn't whatever, but I, I desperately wanted him to live. And that was a really close thing to me, losing my authenticity really, really close and at the end of the day, I cited with myself and I decided, well, if he dies, could I forgive myself? Because I didn't do what the vet told me. And so it was a really tough conversation to be having but anyhow, so when I think back on that, I was of zero value to him. Zero. Because the whole time I'm all wrapped up in my shit. I'm like, I am not sending him good energy. I'm not supporting him. In many ways, I'm trying to save him for myself. I'm not trying to save him for him. I'm trying to save him because of how I'm feeling. And when you look back on that, how bloody selfish and, and so all I can hope now is that after having had this profound experience, I can manage to stay in that place and leave my head somewhere else when, or if the time arises this. Because I'm pretty sure the outcome will be whatever the outcome is meant to be, because we don't have a say in that. So I can either be a part of it or I can be separate from it and after having the together part, while I'd rather have the together part of that experience, then be it the other way.

Ronnie: 59:47

Yeah absolutely and I, I really felt that, I don't know if the viewers or listeners who listened to this afterwards, but I really, I already felt that from your heart, that connection, that authenticity as you called it and the more we can stay in that, and hell, you know, people might not be able to do it to your extent, but we can all do it to the best of our ability at that moment. If we just take a little step back and get out of our heads. And that's the bit we have to learn to do. We have to learn that there's an understanding and a knowledge that we can't put into words, but we feel it and if we can tap into that, the more we tap into it, the more we trust it, the more we trust it, the more we will follow it. And the more we will follow it, the better it will be for both parties, whether it's animal or human. And you phrased that beautifully when you said you can either be a part of it, whether it's final physically or not, but that can still be a shared, beautiful experience to help another energy do what they need to do. Or it can be separate. I've heard stories, in fact, I think it was a podcast, I can't remember the lady's name. She's very intuitive and she works with horses and people. And she was in a coma, I think her name's Michelle, I can't remember a surname. And she was in a coma and her parents were in the hospital obviously doing everything they could to you know, make this child aware that was out of it. And she was aware that there was this pull, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling it was. The feeling was, I don't wanna be back in that place because it's sparky, they want me to do this stuff when actually where I am now is safer and lovely. And it was her parents, she found out it was her parents, understandably, but they were so caught up in their own emotion that they wanted the child back again I understand that but from her perspective as energy, as pure energy, cuz she was not in a body as such, it wasn't that way for her. Have you ever heard of Dr. Susan Faye? Are you aware of Dr. Susan Fay? She lives in the States and she has a book called Sacred. Sacred Wisdom. Yeah. Sacred Space. I've heard, yeah. Sacred Wisdom. And she has in a book, but she'd shared a story quite a while ago where there was a, a trapped horse in a cattle grid, got his legs stuck in a cattle grid. And it was a similar situation you know, it was nighttime. There was nobody around you don't get a vet out, you know, you either have to shoot your horse or they suffer. And the neighbors, which was miles away, thought it was one of Susan's horses and she thought, well, I know I've just fed them in the barn and I don't, I don't think they're out. So she she'd gone out and she took a flashlight and she thought, I dunno what I'm gonna do if it's stuck in a grid. You know there's not really good outcome from that because they tried to get out and they snapped the legs. They break the legs, and the neighbors had already got a gun ready to do what they needed to do and she says for some reason, and this is sort of the beginning of her journey, I think, although she was very intuitive as a child and still is obviously she thought I'll, I'll just send thoughts to the horse. And she relayed in her mind, cause this is how she works seeing the horse calmly lift its leg out of the grid so that he could step out and walk. So by the time she'd got to the horse the neighbors had just got there and that, you know, they, they, no, they hadn't got there. Sorry. She'd, they'd gone off to get something and she was with a horse and she'd got the head collar and she was sort of thinking these thoughts and she was sending these thoughts to the horse and before the people came back, this horse calmly, took a leap outta this cattle grid and managed to get his leg out, another leap just to get onto the solid ground. So by the time the neighbors came, the horse was free. Now that should not have happened because that's not how it would normally happen. Yes. And, but that was her thought process. So she did a similar thing to you. She stayed in that calm place and she sent the thoughts out and the pictures and the information out to the horse. Yes. So the outcome was, was far different.

Mona: 1:04:56

Well, I visualize and I communicate with pitchers when I'm working with the horses and I'm certain they understand pictures way more than just our language or our thoughts. So when you're able to visualize, I think it's very, very powerful based on, you know, my experiences other people may have different things, but I really think horses are visual thinkers. Like so they see the picture.

Ronnie: 1:05:35

And sometimes when you are doing that, you naturally quieting down cuz you are focusing on that. Yes. So that brings your energy down slightly. Well Mona we've been going for an hour or so and it's been fascinating. There's a few messages. So Derek said, hi, Derek May, obviously, you know Derek and we've got Ralph Willick. I hope I've pronounced that right. Thanks for sharing mona, you are amazing with how you handle everything. Do you know that gentleman?

Mona: 1:06:04

Yep thanks ralph.

Ronnie: 1:06:05

So I think we're gonna wrap it up now, unless something you'd like to add. Some parting words that you'd like to give to the listeners.

Mona: 1:06:13

I think I would leave this with if I could inspire anyone just to take a thought and sit quietly and to know with full knowing that you have everything that you need already there and you're born with it. It's sitting there and it's waiting for you to find it. And it's waiting for you to make magic and the more you interact with that little piece that got tossed away shortly after birth because our society somehow beat it out of you or, or convinced you that it wasn't a worthwhile gift to nourish. Life will never be the same. You'll look back and wonder what took me so long. Thank you Mona that was beautifully said and perfect end this conversation. It's been fascinated and I've loved chatting with you again, and I hope the viewers and the listeners get something from your words and your inspiration and your energy that comes through. You are a beautiful lady and I definitely felt that love as you were talking and not just from you, from the animals that you interact with, that's very much there too. Very much so. Okay. So if you'd like to just say bye to everybody. Bye everybody. Thank you so much for listening and yeah, maybe one time we'll be talking about all sorts of crazy stories that you'll just be rolling off your chairs and laughing and then there won't be any death.

Ronnie: 1:07:57

But that's part of it and death isn't the end.

Mona: 1:07:59

It is not the end. In our society we should, we should accept it because there's only two certainties. You take your first breath and you take your last, everything else is a surprise in between, right.

Ronnie: 1:08:11

It certainly is, it certainly is. Bye. Bye. Wow what an amazing lady. Thank you so much to everybody that joined us and listened and for the people that listen to this afterwards on my podcast. I shall post links to Mona's website and you can catch it with her. I'm sure she'd love to hear about your stories, to share some experiences because that's what life's about, that's what this is about. It's not about coming on and saying, oh hi this is me, this is what I do you know, this is so and so. It's about sharing life's experiences because if one person hears something and it resonates or maybe later it resonates, that might be a catalyst to you discovering your true authenticity and who you are and knowing that you do have a choice and you can change things. And it's not about changing the outcome. We can't change the outcome at times, but we can change how we deal with it, how it affects us, and how it affects animal or human that we interact with and what a beautiful way to spend the last moments with somebody if you can be at peace with yourself and they can. And on that note, have a lovely day wherever you are in the world. Thank you for sharing this hour or so with us both. Take care and bye for now. Bye.